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All of my services are present-centered, critically queer, ethically informed and justice oriented. LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC folx are welcome!
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- James Baldwin
"To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread."
PSYCHOLOGICAL GROWTH: AN UNMOORING
In a memorable conversation with a non-therapist, queer theorist colleague whose work I value, they reflect back an aspect of my therapeutic approach with a startling revelation:
"Seems you’re referring to a quality of violence."
It is the nugget of truth I want to disavow, but ethically cannot because it is accurate. And because it typically goes unsaid.
I am not referring to intentional harm, physical violence, or microaggression—none of which are ever okay—but to the violence of intense emotional discomfort that too many bodies (my own included) have not been taught to withstand, let alone relationally thrive in.
Psychological development, or growth, which is the focus of my work, unmoors us—clients and therapists; students and educators; writers and readers, alike. It is the soup we swim in: backstroke, sidestroke, bobbing, treading, doing whatever we can to stay just above the sinking line.
We paddle vigorously emotionally, psychologically, even physiologically, until suddenly, laughably (as if easily) we glide.
One way or another gliding is the aim of our collaboration as you extend beyond the capacity for discomfort into ease. Imagine: Your bobbing becomes buoyancy; your pain, a portal to pleasure; and awe becomes part of your daily routine.
mirrored rooms
“The therapy room is like a room lined with mirrors,” says Hare-Mustin in 1994. So, I would add, is the classroom. “It reflects back only what is voiced within it. When there is a one-way mirror and reflecting team, they too reflect back what has been provided. If the therapist, [educator] and family are unaware of marginalized discourses, such as those associated with members of subordinate gender, race, and class groups, those discourses remain outside the mirrored room.” (Hare-Mustin, 1994, p. 22)
Funhouse mirrors reflect back obvious distortions to entertain and amuse us. However, educators, therapists, and consultants often fail to entertain how processes and places uphold dominant discourses so that distorted reflections appear "normal" especially with regard to sex and relationships.
This is why arenas for growth (e.g., therapy offices, classrooms, boardrooms--virtually and in person) must become “brave” rather than “safe” spaces, given that research demonstrates discomfort is conflated with feeling unsafe in discussions of race and social justice, particularly for privileged bodies (Arao & Clemens, 2013).
Because of this, building capacity for discomfort through the cultivation of presence is at the heart of my work as a feminist and queer critical sexuality scholar.
